When the Past Shows Up in the Present

When the Past Shows Up in the Present

You’ve done so much to move on. You’ve left the relationship, changed the city, rebuilt your life. But then one day, your partner raises their voice and your heart races. You freeze when someone walks too close behind you. You find yourself apologising just to keep the peace - again.

And you wonder, “Why am I still like this? Why can’t I just move on?” The truth is: you already have. But your body and mind are still trying to catch up.

The Past Doesn’t Always Stay in the Past

When you’ve lived through fear, control, or betrayal, your system learns to stay on guard. It remembers what danger felt like, even if that danger is long gone. That memory isn’t stored as a story you can retell. It’s stored as tension in your shoulders, the sudden silence when you sense conflict, the need to stay small to feel safe.

You are not ‘overreacting.’ You are remembering. This is what happens when the survival that once kept you safe now keeps you stuck.

Meeting Those Parts of You with Care

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting what happened. It means understanding how those experiences shaped you and learning to live without letting them decide everything. The parts of you that still flinch, still hide, still expect harm - they were trying to protect you. They just don’t know the danger has passed.

With time, support, and gentle attention, those parts can begin to trust again. You can start to notice the difference between what’s happening now and what’s happening inside. That noticing - not forcing, not fixing - is where real change begins.

Understanding vs. Reliving

When you start therapy, it can sometimes feel as if the past is waking up again.
You might find yourself remembering things you thought you’d buried, or reacting more strongly than before. That can feel frightening - like you’re getting worse, not better.

But therapy isn’t about reliving the pain. It’s about creating a space where you can finally face it safely.
Where you can talk about what happened without having to defend, minimise, or rush past it.
A space where someone else can hold the story with you - so it’s not just yours to carry anymore.

Then the shift becomes to happen; not forgetting the past, but being able to live alongside it without being swallowed by it.

When Healing Isn’t Linear

Healing doesn’t unfold in a straight line. Some days you’ll feel steady; other days, one smell or sentence will pull you back years in an instant.
That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your system is still learning that safety can last.

Sometimes the bravest part of healing isn’t letting go; it’s staying with yourself when the memories return. And maybe that’s what the past is asking of you now: not to tidy it away, but to meet it with a steadier presence than you could before.

Over time, that’s what changes everything; not by erasing the past, but by learning it no longer has the power to define who you are now.