Untangling Faith and Shame

When the beliefs meant to comfort us become the ones that quietly hurt.

For many people, faith and religion are inextricably woven into who they are. It shapes how they see the world, what they value, how they love, and how they make sense of everything in their lives, from the pretty to the painful. But often, it carries a quieter weight - a sense of shame, guilt, or fear that has been passed down in the name of goodness.

Faith, at its heart, is meant to offer peace, connection and a feeling of higher purpose. Yet for some, it has been taught through messages of “not good enough.”

Your worship is not good enough.
You are not pious enough.
Not patient enough.
Not pure enough.

Over time, these ideas can settle deep, leaving within us a constant feeling of being watched, judged, or failing at something sacred. Even that we are at the core of us a ‘bad’ person.
For some, even ordinary struggles begin to feel like proof of God’s displeasure, and the fear of divine punishment looms heavily. The prospect of ones own eventual death can feel terrifying.

Many people describe a quiet tension between love and fear:

“I want to feel close to God, but all I feel is guilt.”
“I can’t pray without feeling like I’ve done something wrong.”

For many, these fears can be traced back to how faith was first introduced.
Instead of being taught through warmth and understanding, it may have been taught through harsh discipline and a demand for perfect obedience. In many homes, devotion was measured by compliance, and mistakes were met with shame rather than guidance. Thus faith in many people’s hearts becomes weighed down with fear and criticism and, in place of reverence, anxiety and self-blame.

Healing begins with gently unlearning the voice of shame - noticing it’s origins and why we carry it inside of us. Therapy can offer a space to explore those questions safely, to separate fear from belief, and to rediscover a sense of spiritual connection grounded in compassion rather than criticism. Healing often begins with the slow untangling of shame from spirituality - learning to tell the difference between the voice of love and the voice of fear.

In therapy, especially when faith is welcomed into the room, there is space to explore these questions without judgment - to find again the gentleness that faith was meant to hold.

Because peace and belief were never meant to stand on opposite sides.